As noted with ¿Truths? Part 1, I am choosing to offer these thoughts simply to encourage growth. I submit them simply for self-study as an example of one person’s searching — such self-study is a very powerful way to come to know yourself. The list of these truths is long and I will submit it over a number of blogs, 25-30 brief statements per posting.
As previously noted, a comment on language: I am not an advocate of scientific materialism, the philosophic ontology that only science can address truth, and that energy-matter is the only domain of experience in the universe. I value scientific methodology highly, but the overall terminology of scientific materialism has many hidden presuppositions. As much as possible, I will identify them in these posts.
(278 — Continuing from previous) What gets my attention gets me!
(279) Society has the potential to offer much in the way of authentic living—affection, validation, contribution (participation), and earnings.
Often this does not occur.
Is it fair? (What is the agreement that I have with society?)
(280) In general, this society does not validate authentic living—authentic living is unpredictable.
Authentic living is usually a risk against the cultural model! It is judged stupid or inappropriate (the crab trap). We lack ways of safe expression (of all emotions, but especially rage), Our current ways of handling/denying rage frequently contribute to the violation of one person by another.
As a society, we need new ways of being human.
(281) I want to live authentically, getting what I say I want. How?
Am I starting from the optimal place?
(282) For me, the best definition for happiness is ‘wanting what I get’—note the differences from ‘getting what I want.’
(283) I get trapped in my emotions when I experience them in ways that leave me powerless — shame, despair, raging amongst others.
All emotion has a positive intent for me — when I determine and validate that positive intent (security, searching, caring), I am empowered.
(284) Anger and rage are for me paradoxical—they are both the most dangerous, and the most cleansing, of emotions. Dangerous when denied, and most cleansing when used effectively.
I am angry when my boundaries are invaded without my permission — and as a human being, I have very complex boundaries. I am enraged when I am simultaneously powerless and my fundamental beliefs of identity and spirit are denied.
(285) To be safe means to be free from damage ¾ danger, or injury, or the risk of damage. To be secure means to be free from apprehension.
Safety does not mean security! Security does not mean safety!
(286) To be safe with my anger/rage means that I am responsible for consequences, and that I am committed to safety.
(287) I have three rules for my anger/rage, summarized in the acronym ‘No SAD!’ When in anger/rage:
- I will not intentionally scare (S) another human being.
- I will not attack (A), physically or emotionally, another biological creature.
- I will not destroy (D) in anger that which I would not destroy in peace.
(288) I do not give myself, nor do I give others, permission to ignore these rules, unless life is being threatened.
I will not violate others intentionally, unless it is very clear that I am being violated in a life-threatening manner.
(289) The second fundamental of safety is “STOP”.
Saying “STOP” means that someone, usually the person saying “stop,” does not feel secure, and is requesting that all threatening action cease until both safety and security are re-established.
It is essential that this be honored¾the overlap between safety and security is unclear at this time.
(290) When I am in internal conflict, I frequently experience this as external conflict in relationship.
The more I am willing to sort and integrate my internal conflicts, finishing what is unfinished, the more I open myself to love and play.
(291) When I point my finger at you, when I blame you, I am powerless.
A powerful metaphor is present in this process—with my finger pointing at you, my thumb stands up, and three fingers point at me! The thumb represents the issue—it needs to be handled, and it is as much part of me as it is of you. My three fingers remind me that
- what I critique in you is also true of me, often more so,
- it is easier for me to blame you than to examine myself, and
- if I change and act more effectively, the issue will also change, and you might also change too!
(292) An effective leader is one who demonstrates the least blame (thereby avoiding focus on the third limb).
(293) My society is a society of violence and alienation.
I have no major issue with violence—life is violent.
My society is frequently a society of violation—I do not condone violation.
Violation occurs when freedom is restricted without permission. For me, this is only permissible in the interests of public safety—this is generally called ‘law.’
(294) My society is misogynist and sex-negative.
Growth however leads to vibrant sexuality, and is both time-consuming and demanding of authenticity.
(295) My society is child-negative.
Children are our resources, both for the future, and for many of the skills we have lost. They have their own wisdom.
(296) My society promotes knowledge and understanding.
I have no quarrel with knowledge—wisdom necessitates knowledge, accuracy of map to territory. Yet as a society, we are trapped by too much information, too much knowledge, too many options.
I also have no quarrel with understanding—authentic understanding means “to stand under,” to experience self as part of something bigger.
(297) As a society, we value “overstanding” (attempting to dominate) more than “understanding,” and “information” more than “knowledge.”
(298) My society has made major errors, especially as to the nature of power.
Fundamentally there are two choices:
- becoming willful: domination, or
- becoming willing: cooperation
(299) Through domination, I can be willful, developing a culture based on power and technology, on empire and slave (with many subtle euphemisms to hide what is actually happening).
Actions do however speak louder than words. Using domination, I gain significant mastery of life, with major advantages. The cost is loss of humanity, loss of relationship with the universe. Much of post-European society has followed this track.
(300) The other way is by being willing, to observe and track life, with little intervention or technology. My relatedness increases. I am at risk of starvation! Other cultures, notably the original North American native, have followed this track. Major consequences occurred during the interplay of cultures!
(301) Somehow there is a balance. (!!!???) Not easy, but then life is not designed to be easy. Life is!
Given that we overall have chosen domination, the task now is to develop power over power, to learn to use power for the purpose of cooperation. Given the self-righteous greed of domination, this will be a difficult path.
(302) I am a part of society. Am I part of the solution, or part of the problem?
(303) I am not a machine. I have inherent variability, within myself (including illness) and outside myself (compared to you).
I am programmable, especially during early childhood when my brain is developing (this is also perhaps when my mind is developing, at least the inter-relatedness between my mind and my brain).
Is the program appropriate?
(304) Part of the program includes my learning of terror and trust.
To be continued.